New Labour, New Year, New TD

Owing to my failure to be consistently re-elected over a substantial period of time, it is clear that I have become out of touch with my electorate; accordingly I have decided to embark on a sustained series of reforms and modernising initiatives. The resolutions I set myself at New Year itself should be regarded more in the line of aspirations than targets; as we know, reality is dynamic and an individual needs to be just as fluid in dealing with changes to it. In my case this has meant a radical re-appraisal of outdated methods of living and a dramatic readjustment to modern challenges. Indeed, I have decided to grasp these challenges with both hands in a positive and forward looking manner.


There is a meaning to this (ie content, you know, when words do refer to real world events or objects), but I'm darned if I'm going to explain it. Writing in jargon, despite my Resolution, does give me a tingle of authority and professionalism, two things I normally run a mile from. Yes I'm being ironic, but there's a grain of truth in that the opaque language of modern life, drenched with the sentiment of positivity and control, does give me a sense of worth - for a few nanoseconds. Judging by the amount of government garbage I read in my job, I can't be the only one. By contrast, the bluntness and lack of ambiguity inherent in swearing makes it difficult to do except when there are no visible consequences. Imagine the chaos if the government sent a circular to schools saying "Just teach them to fucking read, for fuck's sake."

I mean, someone would have to do it. After spluttering in outrage for a bit, of course.