I can hear the calls of my readers desperate to know my current gym-status, after a flurry of pain-related posts a few months back has been followed by total silence on the matter.
Well the biggest problem is the drink. I do 1000 calories in a gym session then I go and drink them back on, with some crisps maybe. I do have muscles, but they are still building on top of the flab, so I am just plain getting bigger all around.
In terms of fitness this is really hard to judge. I still get shooting pains all the way down my arms when i lift weights; still soak the elliptical machine in sweat; and I swear that the rower gave me a heart attack the other day going for a new record time (personal record that is) for the 2000m (it would have been 7.41, but I only managed 7.46).
In practice, if you asked me to, say, play a football match, or run down to the shops for a pint of milk, I'd still collapse in a heap after a few yards. I wonder if that is a pavlovian type reaction, over and above the actual fitness levels of my body. A sort of body-memory of all those years of agonising enforced exercise at the point of a detention. Or maybe I'm not as fit as I think!
Showing posts with label health scares. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health scares. Show all posts
Saturday, 30 August 2008
Tuesday, 12 February 2008
Criminy (again)
Cop this.
Well fuck me (if you like, I can always give you my mobile number). Another study by taxpaid academics telling us we're all going to die. Listen you twats. We know this already. It's what happens to organic creatures. This time, "health experts" (the modern bishops) are telling us that "loads of us are going to die" when "it gets hot", as if loads of people didn't die when the climate was more to their liking, ie 1946-7 and 1962-3, to give two examples of what we are now supposed to believe is natural and good (you can have 1981-2 and others too if you like).
Question: how many fully paid up climatologists work for the Department of Health? My guess: somewhat fewer than the number of functional hair follicles on my head.
Still, I'd be happily proved wrong. Again.
Anyhoo, I have a solution. Reach for a cold one. Now. I've just done it - it works, I feel quite cool, in fact, although I am conflating different meanings of cool, obviously. But if the government took responsibility for ensuring that every household had, say, 10 tins of Stella in a fully functional fridge, these appalling projected deaths could be reduced. It could be called the "Sure Stella" project, and, needless to say, would need to be carefully aimed at the most vulnerable people, to stop those middle-class bastards muscling in yet again, cunts that they are. In fact each adult could have a Stella allowance, depending on their parentage and education. If you had a degree, say, you'd be expected to find your own source, whereas if you spent your teenage years drinking, you'd get it given to you by the government. Neat, huh? Some people may argue that drinking Stella causes dehydration. So what? you can line your stomach with water as much as you like; it's the fact of the Stella's coldness that counts.
Well fuck me (if you like, I can always give you my mobile number). Another study by taxpaid academics telling us we're all going to die. Listen you twats. We know this already. It's what happens to organic creatures. This time, "health experts" (the modern bishops) are telling us that "loads of us are going to die" when "it gets hot", as if loads of people didn't die when the climate was more to their liking, ie 1946-7 and 1962-3, to give two examples of what we are now supposed to believe is natural and good (you can have 1981-2 and others too if you like).
Question: how many fully paid up climatologists work for the Department of Health? My guess: somewhat fewer than the number of functional hair follicles on my head.
Still, I'd be happily proved wrong. Again.
Anyhoo, I have a solution. Reach for a cold one. Now. I've just done it - it works, I feel quite cool, in fact, although I am conflating different meanings of cool, obviously. But if the government took responsibility for ensuring that every household had, say, 10 tins of Stella in a fully functional fridge, these appalling projected deaths could be reduced. It could be called the "Sure Stella" project, and, needless to say, would need to be carefully aimed at the most vulnerable people, to stop those middle-class bastards muscling in yet again, cunts that they are. In fact each adult could have a Stella allowance, depending on their parentage and education. If you had a degree, say, you'd be expected to find your own source, whereas if you spent your teenage years drinking, you'd get it given to you by the government. Neat, huh? Some people may argue that drinking Stella causes dehydration. So what? you can line your stomach with water as much as you like; it's the fact of the Stella's coldness that counts.
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