Saturday, 4 April 2009

Lonely Heart Ad

You Are: Six feet tall, six five in heels, with breasts that are each larger than my head: you have tattoos on your crotch, lower back and left breast. The tattoo on your crotch says "Sex" or it might say "fuck". You have no hair on your body at all except your head and eyelids. You have an IQ of 220 and passed A Level maths at the age of 10. You have degrees in literature, philosophy, maths and physics. You are professor of maths at Cambridge but in your spare time you are Professor of Poetry at Oxford.

I am: 5 nowt, bald, with a gut that would shame Buddha. I have an IQ of a shade over 0, a microscopic knob, and I last precisely one push in bed. Any more than that and I come instantly. I make a weird "heurgh" noise when I come. I don't have a job. Instead I blog as "the fat cunt" and I sneer at passers-by when I know full well they look at me piteously.

Are you the one?

4 comments:

Sweet Cheeks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Tin Drummer said...

yes but....the point is also to be able to last long enough on the job to pleasure your partner, I would have thought!

Sweet Cheeks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Tin Drummer said...

hmmmm. I find I can only use the tongue in certain circumstances....and the fingers, well I guess I do use them.

Or did.

I'm so glad to have been a small part in your sexual excitement, Sweet Cheeks. Anytime...