Maths Is a Piece of Piss

I say this only because i am a vaguely competent AS Level Maths student whose tutor thinks he is doing really well. I say it also only because I am a braggart who has had little to brag about in recent years and so it gives him immense pleasure to complete the square.

Unfortunately I don't see myself as being a completed square but merely as a weird polynomial with a constant of -42. Or it might be -94. I think that my curves, which are unnatural and unattractive, must be governed by a strange combination of powers of x, where x more or less equals "Stella & crisps". Indeed I am P(Stella) for all possible values of Stella.

You don't want to know my remainder, you really don't. Probably I am (x+Stella)(x+crisps)(x+whisky)(2x+5Stella) or something like that.

I guess I don't factorise.