Horizon

So Danny Wallace, the noted naturalist and biochemist, was on horizon last night trying to persuade us that the arguments of nutters like Peter Singer (who has called for infanticide) are essentially right. Well I hope he is prepared to pay more tax, because clearly if chimps are people, with the same powers of reason, then we will need to build more prisons to cope with the rates of chimp crime. As clearly they are able to reason through their actions and to take responsibility for them. Yes, I know the chimp population of the UK is as near to 0 as makes no odds, but there must be a case for increased chimp immigration, which can only benefit the economy, given all the amazing skills they have.

Given Danny's figure of 99.4% for shared DNA between humans and chimps (which is slightly different, incidentally, from the figures given if you googlewhack the subject), I wonder if his being 60% the same as a banana will lead to his calling for the integration of bananas into human society; we could make a start by putting a banana into Danny's place on the crap Radio 4 comedy show he hosts (Genius, or something). It would be wittier, more intelligent, and would have the additional benefit of smoothing the process of giving bananas the rights they are due. It might even make Danny think that, since he is a quarter identical to a dandelion, he should go and stand in a field, swaying occasionally, until being eaten by a cow.