Friday, 11 April 2008

Fucking Bastard Writers

Some cunts are really good at what they do, leaving twats like me marooned in the shit-strewn seas of mediocrity. One of these is Stephen Baxter, who has written "The H-Bomb Girl", a novel for teenagers, which, by a staggeringly unfortunate co-incidence, is the novel I've been trying to write for over ten years. What a fuckwit. So: is it any good, well yes of course it is fucking amazing, I mean it references SuperMac, Civil Defence, Jack Kennedy's speeches and John Smith and the Common Men* so of course it is ace. Alas it _does_ conflate 1960s civil defence stuff with Protect and Survive, and some pages round about p150 look as if they were copied out of Threads, but overall it is the fucking buggering bastard novel I've been trying to write for so damn long. What a cunt. Never mind. Nowt I can do about that, except recommend it to all 11+ people I've ever met, which I am about to do, with the proviso that some bits are nicked out of "Casualties" (see drummer posts passim) and hence look as if Mac's govt was doing Wislon's, Ted's, Sunny Jim's, and Thatch's dirty work for them, which it wasn't. Supermac may have been a twat and a cuckold but he did not want the world to end: he'd spent enough time lying in the mud at the Somme for that. Supermac went to his grave with nightmares about Cuba, which I guess this novel is writing about. But I won't hear any criticism of Mac over Cuba - so any cunt who thinks Supermac fucked it up can just come over here and see if he's hard enough. And he _did not_ piss off down the A4 to Turnstile, nor did any other fucker, nor would it have been any bastard good, because the Russians knew exactly where it was (not that I'm suggesting Baxter claims this, I haven't finished the book yet). "Casualties" (not to be confused with "Casualty") is the final work of art of western civilisation, the last statement, the big two fingers: "Casualty" is just a piss-poor tv show. What a fabulous piece of art (is "Casualties"): more challenging than a cow in a tank, more controversial than paintings made of menstrual fluids, more damn scary than...er anything else. "Casualties" is what we end up with, or used to end up, or,perhaps, should of ended up with. And don't accuse me of hate, I'm an artist, I'm just thinking. Er.. anyway, You don't want to go around writing stuff out of Threads like that, in case it comes true. Also the narrator -nearly- quotes the kid with the earring out of Threads: "they've started fighting, mum... the Americans and the Russians...it's just been on the news."

Well I guess Baxter is a bright guy and knows what he's doing and he probably doesn't reckon Supermac was going to do any of that shit he says he does, but just in case...step outside, mate, if you don't mind....

I wonder if this world is a parallel world gone wrong: as if it was supposed to end in 1984 and we cocked it all up: so everything seems a bit crap now. Sort of, a bit millennial, a bit further than it should be. Shock horror headline: Conservative thinks world "a bit more" than can cope with! Hmmm, seems likely to me. "Casualties" is so perfect, so clean, so well written that it surely _supposed_ to be the last document of our culture. Anything else is just bullshit. And that includes installation videos of people vomiting. Or cows, for that matter.


*STEPHEN BAXTER HAS NICKED THIS OFF OF AN UNEARTHLY CHILD- THE FIRST EPISODE OF WHO - AND HENCE HE IS UNBELIEVABLY CLEVER AND COOL, THE FUCKER. GAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! AND THE CAPITALS ARE WHOLLY NECESSARY.


ps I wonder if this author "Stephen Baxter" is in fact Bullet Baxter out of early 80s Grange Hill. If so, it would explain a lot....

1 comment:

E. Lee said...

You are so right about 'Stippin Baxside', he is extremely overrated, ahh but his contemporaries like Alastair Reynolds all bow down to him