What Time Do You Call This?

I'm currently watching Doctor Who season 25 for the first time in years and am struck by a number of things. When I first watched Sylvester McCoy as the Doctor (age:10) I thought he was rubbish. When I thought about it a bit and re-watched his 3 seasons, (age:16) I thought he was brilliant - deep and dark and insightful. On my latest watching (um, old enough to be my own father) I have returned more or less to my original view. Not that I dislike Sylvester McCoy as a person but that I am embarrassed by his limited range as an actor; by the faux depth he brings to scenes like the famous "look me in the eye, end my life" in The Happiness Patrol, which is actually quite cringe-making in its artificiality and quite rubbish easiness; by the terrible way he does humorous, enthusiastic, friendly or sardonic scenes, especially in The Greatest Show in the Galaxy; and by the utterly unconvincing way he tries to be authoritative, especially in Remembrance of the Daleks (cue several wiggles of the eyebrows).

He is an actor, simply, of limited ability, who struggles to convey real depth of personality, let alone the depth of a 900 year old Time Lord whom we now suspect of being involved in the very origins of time travel and of Time Lord society (or are supposed to, from Remembrance onwards). His relationship with Ace is superficial and non-manipulative because he just doesn't carry the massive intelligence or alienness required for what the Doctor is supposed to be doing with Ace (fnarr fnarr). Ace herself is pathetic, a sketch character who responds like a cartoon only less 3-dimensional. Which is a shame, as when I watched her in 1987-9 I thought she was spunky and great. But Tegan (for example) is a far more convincing human being because her range of emotions and expressions are far greater, even if she is annoying. Tegan is annoying. The Doctor knows it and she knows it. She is a flawed human being. Ace is just an idea and the idea of a 9 year old not-quite-sexual-boy at that.

This is not to say I hate Season 25. The design, ideas and direction are quite cool. Unfortunately the plotting, acting and scripts are poor. How come there are parallel ideas in Remembrance and Silver Nemesis (shudder) and Happiness and Greatest Show? Who the hell was script editing this crap? Don't tell me - I know. Yet, the conceits behind all 3 stories (I don't count Silver Nemesis) are quite cool.

Happiness in particular, is not "joyful in its kicking of right wing fantasies" (Day, Cornell, Topping) but quite the reverse, is joyful in its booting of leftist fantasies - it is leftists who always insist people should be happy (unoffended, fulfilled, together, bonded, united) and that societies should be built for people's happiness, along with the repressive state organs that go with it. And the candy victim does not wear a pink triangle, I have no idea where they get that from. Happiness builds a powerful case for: solitude, depression, uniqueness, voluntary as opposed to compulsory collectivism, opting out, the subversion of union demonstrations, the destruction of state broadcasting, the exposure of state-inspired rubbish about not imprisoning criminals ("we don't have prisons on Terra Alpha...but if you cross that line you're a dead man"), compulsory collection of identity, active refusal to join in, passive-aggression, the use of genuine academic study to demolish official state bullshit (Earl Sigma is a medical student), against the lack of an independent police force, and finally, satirises, mercilessly, government obsession with sweets and the danger that sugary foods pose. In short - all non-paleo Tories should support The Happiness Patrol.

And yet. And yet. A lot of the actual words characters have to say are crap; the demolition of Helen A is pisspoor; her final catharsis predictable and dull; MCoy's performance over the top and stupid. Who the hell are the guys in the tunnels? What is their culture? What happened to them - I know the settlers wiped them out or something but how, and how does that affect both cultures? What are their names? I know Gilbert M (who is brilliant) built the Kandyman but why? And why shape him like a series of sweets? Why make him hate Gilbert M's guts? Why not re-programme him? How do the fondant surprises kill (apart from the obvious satrical element)? Why are the Patrols such lousy shots? How come Susan Q is disaffected and reveals it so easily to a stranger? and not just any stranger but the one she has only just that minute been placed in charge of? surely such a govt keen on happiness would have sussed her out ages ago, the miserable sod?

But.

It does have the greatest line EVER uttered by a villain, and in this DC&T are absolutely right.

"What time d'you call this??" is a classic, obsessive, manipulative, dangerous, fed up, pain in the arse kind of line. Spoken by a robot Bertie Bassett it is twice as effective as if it were (say) Alan Rickman or your boy/girlfriend. But I'm sure you can just imagine your significant other coming out with that line, if not also being a maniacal designer of fatal sweets.